She waited and waited in her bed for her mum and dad to come in and say goodnight but soon after waiting for 10 minutes she realized something was wrong. With horror she quickly rushed to the door and pressed her ear on its smooth surface. She heard shouting, she heard screaming and also feet stamping! But it was only a woman’s voice! It sounded familiar. It was her mum’s voice! Soon a loud bang interrupted the shouting. She quickly snatched her phone and dialed 911. However, she couldn’t believe what she had done!
Hi Minh An
Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. You really created a horrible time for this girl. Fights always get your heart pounding, even when you are not involved. I like the way you started your second sentence with the phrase, ‘With horror…’ as the reader becomes to understand the panic your character is feeling.
Keep up the great writing.
Ms McKenzie (Team 100WC)
Christchurch, New Zealand
Nice hook to the story it was interesting, I like how you put a loud bang.
It’s a good onamaterpayer , you put a image in my head. keep up the good work
Andy Hindmarsh
FairfieldInt
New Zealand